Scene: Saturday morning around 8 am. Hubby and I (aka Woman on the Edge) sitting in the lounge room enjoying a freshly brewed coffee. Kingpin enters the room.
WOE: Good morning sweetheart!
KP: grunt, scratch
KP: standing in front of me. Mum you really need to get a coffee machine that doesn’t make noise. I am sick of being woken up by your stupid machine.
WOE: looks at him in silence
KP: Kingpin huffs and makes his way into the kitchen.
KP: Mum I am starving, what’s for breakfast?
KP: That’s bull****, I want something good to eat!
WOE: Kingpin, Xmas is over. There is cereal or you can make yourself some toast.
KP: What sort of crappy mother, doesn’t make her child a decent breakfast? Mumbles under breath
KP: Mum, Mum…I can’t find MY cereal. Dad has eaten it!!
HUBBY: Kingpin, I have not touched your cereal.
KP: Throws his hands up in the air exasperated
WOE: Here is your cereal, nobody has touched it.
Husband enters the kitchen and makes himself some breakfast.
KP: Standing back in front of me whispering. Mum, Dad just put cereal and milk in his bowl and then walked into the toilet.
KP: Woman! He put milk and cereal in the bowl,left it on the bench THEN went to the toilet!! Intensely looking at me. Don’t you think that is weird?
WOE: No, he might like his cereal to soak up the milk.
KP: Urgghhh! You are not getting it!! Walks back into the kitchen mumbling with hands thrown up in the air
KP: Make sure you wash your hands!! Yells
KP: Mum, you need to talk to YOUR husband (HIS biological father) about using the kids toilet….I am sick of him using my toilet!
Back in the kitchen looking through cupboards and the fridge.
KP: This is bull****. I am starving and I didn’t get dinner last night!
WOE: Why didn’t you eat dinner last night?
KP: I went to bed early.
WOE: Hubby did you put KP dinner away from last night?
Hubby: It is in the fridge.
KP: What is it?
WOE: I made that really yummy chicken curry.
KP: Chicken curry? I can’t eat chicken curry! It will make me need to go to the toilet and I am not planning on going to the toilet and shower until tonight!
WOE: It’s not THAT chicken curry. It is the mild yellow one that you like.
KP: Are you sure, cause I don’t want to have to go to the toilet?
WOE: Yes I am sure, it’s in the fridge in the red microwave container
KP: Goes to fridge opens container
KP: OMG! Who packed this?
HUBBY : I did, why?
KP: Mum….Dad has put the curry with the rice and there is all this sauce and not much chicken and the rice is floating!
Dog walks up to KP to greet him
KP: Mum…your devil dog is licking me….get him to stop!!
HUBBY: If you don’t want all the sauce, drain some out before you eat it.
KP: Urgghhhh…Mum, I wished you loved me enough to put a bullet in my head.
WOE: Honey, believe me I do. If it wasn’t against the law and I wouldn’t get locked up, I would certainly help you out. sweetly spoken
KP: looks at me from the corner of his eye with a suspicious BUT uncertain look on his face
Microwave beeps…KP takes his curry out of the microwave.
KP: Now are you POSITIVE that this curry won’t make me need to go to the toilet?
WOE: Yes I am sure, that it will NOT make you need to go to the toilet. a little sarcastically
KP: Woman, keep your voice down…we have neighbors!!
KP: Pops his head from around the kitchen
KP: Mum, before I eat, I just want to let you know that I am not happy about this. Says sternly with his head nodding towards the curry he is holding in his hand
I use to be a morning person….funnily enough, not so much anymore.